Sunday, May 14, 2006
wahaha! i alison the great is back.. haha..from zj semi-silent retreat.. butu noe wad.. it didnt help me shut up.. cuz i ended up still talkin during camp.. somemore.. made daniel angry.. opps! sorri! haha.. den even thou i was slient at times.. its onli physically slient.. but my mind wasnt.. if it was.. i cant hear god's voice.. yepp.. i guess its not the time yet. today.. which was the last day of camp.. i suddenly.. of all a sudden saw god in everyone in camp.. i was the love that was overflowing out of them.. i can feel the love comin out from them.. how much they really love god.. and.. why am i like this.. not like them.. showin the love? i feel the love.. but its not from me.. but its from them.. i see god working in them.. moulding them into many many diff and unique shapes.. very nicly shaped, moulded.. nicely put in place in where they are suppose to be.. in the camp, being a fren of someone.. its just perfect.. when i reflected on wad i had done in the camp.. wad i gain.. den i began thinking about the movie scenes.. the part where jesus chose the 12 apostles.. theyare happy to be chosen.. walkin towards jesus with a happy expression.. i was thinkin.. i should be happy be.. to be one of his child.. to be chosen by him.. i should spread the word.. but here i am in reality blaming was is my life so meaningless blaming why am i here in this camp? why did i took up nursing?? den next scne came into my mind.. the scene when mary magdalene came to jesus and say i was a prostitute, and yet jesus repiled-if i remembered correctly-, it was a "WAS".. den i tot to myself.. jesus didnt judge her.. didnt look down on her.. and why am i here lookin down at ppl.. looking down at ppl when my god dun?? den again i felt so retarded.. haha... lastly, a scene when jesus was risen from the dead, and yet thomas didnt believe in everything single thing jesus did.. until jesus came and show thomas the wounds on his hands.. and when thomas saw.. he believe and knelt down b4 Him.. and yet jesus was not angry.. he was not.. instead.. he sayang him.. meaning touched him on his head and smile.. its ok.. happy are those who cant see and yet believe.. again.. i felt.. why do i have such lil faith in him.. why cant i be just wad lik ehe say.. happy are those who cant see and yet believe. i dunno why i cant take the fact that he is there for me always.. why am i always taking him for granted?? i gave up thinkin in camp.. i stopped thinkin abt it..
den when Sister said.. think of one think that i wan to have from god- i think.. cant rmb wad was the question-. my answer was god give me strength and faith to do his works.. i felt at ease after voicing out.. i felt so overwhelm by him that i teared.. GOD KNOWS WHY i teared.. but i did. haha..
after everything.. we all went to eat at a kopitiam.. haha. ate until so full i wanted to sleep.. haha... den matthew lee sent me home. thanks again.. haha.. ok shall end here.. lots to type but lazy.. another time!!
to al the babes and dudes out there.. do u know why kopitiam is called kopitiam? haha.. cuz.. long time ago when all the ah pehs go to the place to drink kopi.. they were so noisy that ppl walking pass ask them to tiam! haha.. so they named it ask kopitiam.. hahhaa!! lame hor.. my logic of why call kopitiam.. heh..
4:01 PM