Wednesday, January 30, 2008
moody~!
this week so far..monday had project presentation for andy's.. our last grp project for yr 2
tuesday had BCLS practical.. which means CPR practical.. i passed all.. infant CPR n choking.. one man CPR and choking.. two man CPR.. adult choking from concious to unconcious scenerio... I PASSED! so happy..
btw! i decided to go for weekday mass.. walked in early.. stare at the confession box for a gd 10 mins.. didnt dare to go in.. but when i decided to walk to the room.. father walked out of the room.... haiz! guess i have to go another time.. will pluck up my courage again! soon~!
wed! which is today.. went school for lect.. i reached sch super early! 1st one to reach lect hall.. i go and on the lights! hehe! sat in there all alone for abt 20 mins! bio tut.. followed by bio lect.. den BCLS theory paper.. questions asked were quite str forward! yea! =) went SPI to do abit of proj and joseph was studying..
went for mass.. den walked home..
wore my squirrel shirt today~ i like the pic tts why!
deciding to go wala this fri.. 60% says no.. 40% says go.. this is how i feel thou..
my scar.. one part got exudates! eeewww.. i dunno infected not.. i got scare.. took normal saline to wash thru.. hopefully ok la.. pray hard man!
tmr my individual proj presentation... and i am heck care abt it! haha!
cheers!
11:33 PM
Monday, January 28, 2008
positive answers!
A lil bit messy! haha!! u wan the email let me noe i forward to u! but do read it! its gd.. it whack me in the face! but i need time to digest!~HANDY LITTLE CHART
God has a positive answer for everything
YOU SAY GOD SAYS BIBLE VERSES
You say: "It's impossible" God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: "I'm too tired" God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me" God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34 )
You say: "I can't go on" God says: My grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out" God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5- 6)
You say: "I can't do it" God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able" God says: I am able (2 Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it" God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28 )
You say: "I can't forgive myself" God says: I Forgive you (1 John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage" God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid" God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated" God says: Cast all your cares on ME (1 Peter 5:7)
You say: "I'm not smart enough" God says: I give you wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I feel all alone" God says: I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)
10:36 PM
Saturday, January 26, 2008
heavy heart
ok.. i jus got into trouble again..went wala yesterday night..
drank 3 shots, hoegarden, martini, long island tea.
things didnt turn out well..
i didnt meant that to happen.. i noe i was feeling horrible.. i knew wad i was doing.. but my head and body was alr gone..
thx for helping me! clement, kelly, joel, dan, jason, daryl, julianna and so on.. dun even noe who was there.. yea.. but thx...
after that i still feel crappy... it didnt help at all.. in fact in got the matter worse.. who can understand?
to be in control... i must be.. this 1st week of sch suck.. so tiring.. so drained.. so helpless.. so slow..
zj today was fun.. session.. sharing session.. dinner at ah seah.. they went to play pool again.. i sat there n stone.. feeling heavy! haha!
i am tired.. can i give up.. i cant.. poly left one more year.. i have to get thru my exams..
god pls help me.. why am i always making my parents unhappy? can i turn back the clock?!
ok.. i have to be sane.. get hold of myself.. wake up!!
k box tmr! yea!!
10:03 PM
Friday, January 25, 2008
wad a blast~
yest nite was great!! i met up with my gang.. but mel, jerry and matthias was not around!
nick drove. ryan, juls and me went out.. i decided to go east coast there to eat! den sat there and enjoy the wind.. talked and joke.. sang stupid songs.. all thos cartoon we watched when we were young.. basically spending gd time tgt!
after that i suggest come my hse and drink.. haha.. they say ok lo.. we played dice game.. eg, throw 5 den drink whole cup and all.. and before the game i alr drank quite alot.. everyone except nick were a lil tippsy! haha! cuz i sabo till very bad.. haha.. i was alil too.. but still good...
nick ya van damn shiok!
wad a nite.. laughed so much.. haha!! was super hyper tt nite.. really love my gang! ahaha!
tonight walas.. not sure to so of not.. but daryl say take cab go.. hmmm.. shld be gg! heh! sat zj.. den sunday k box.. woa.. PACKED! CNY around the corner! cool!!
back home early.. cuz i no need to do my elective anymore! wahaha!! so now everyone running 2.4km.. i am at home blowing aircon! haha!
proj! here i come!
3:08 PM
Thursday, January 24, 2008
felt like blogging.. but i dunno wad to blog about...hmmmm, yesterday night when i was online was the worse night ever.. anyway... my sister very strong.. i and i must how to be strong too!
fri if can i wan go wala.. den sat will be zj.. den sunday will be mass.. n maybe k box.. no one confirm with me..
was not even told it was an outreach thingy!!! tsk.. maybe they didnt noe i am in outreach.. or am i in?? i also dunno.. how?
ahhhh.. i am bored.. skipped 2 bio lessons.. really tired n dead stone.. i feel very heavy.. i am not talking about my weight here thou.. haha!!
reason being.. NOT KNOWN.. not really known.. finally.. this few days i felt hyper back again.. going out n laughing till jaw drop.. during CPR lessons or out with zj mates! haha!
jason.. thx for those words thou.. even thou it didnt had an impact on me last night.. but i understood it now.. i feel bless.. but sometimes i just couldnt help it..
i miss those times we go to the beach and stone to feel the wind and watch the waves.. monkey... haha! who ask me la! we go when we can again.. and i will drag ppl to go w me if u are not free! haha!
today was tiring! everyday 9am start sch leh! tmr also! den in between got such long breaks.. and tmr i have elective.. means napfa! haha.. i run? 2.4km?? do shuttle run?? sit ups maybe can.. haha! think i will be exempted from it! =) gd huh!
if i can get exempted from it.. see can dun need go lessons.. if need den need to stay back.. till evening.. den make me think abt cheer.. dunno if i will go down to see them.. i see how lo..
saw maria n brenda yest at mac area.. was great seeing them.. maria! prac ya eyeliner drawing! haha!
hopefully i can lose more weight!! yea!
ok.. ciao.. shall see wad i can blog more abt later..
2:54 PM
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
some things to think about
its a choice.. a decision.. everyone kept on saying that.. but its hard.. i dun dare.. i dun wan yet i wan too.. i am scared.. but..everyone says the 1st step is the hardest.. the rest will be easier..
haiz... some things i just cant put it down.. cant forget or forgive.. last yr add on one more.. and i didnt realise it till today... while talking to dillion and PEACE LOVER... @_@|||
blaming myself isnt good.. not being able to put down the past isnt good.. not having a motivation in life isnt good.. having knowledge in my brain and not in my heart isnt good.. not being serious with life isnt good.. having no courage isnt good too!
so many! i can list down more.. it will never end.. shldnt i just be contented in life? with life?? yet people are asked to strive harder for the better.. ironic huh..
now i am scare that i walk too much... Dr didnt really say i can walk.. but i am walking alr... and so on.. got a bad feeling abt it.. cant help it.. dun walk very sad wan u noe.. sometimes just felt like crying.. why.. i have so much to say yet words cant really come out..felt so much yet i just dun wanna think abt it..
i am suppose to get over it.. i am suppose to be alr over tt matter.. but its came back to me again..
this injury.. bothered my mom so much.. my dad too.. can see she feel hurt n sad to see me in this state.. haiz.. wad to do.. happen alr.. have to live with it.. i tot i got over it.. but somehow it came back today..
ppl have to learn from mistakes.. whether its the hard way or not.. i learnt it thru the hard n painful way....
BACK TO TODAY!
went to sch pretty early again!! 9am lecture.. 8.30am in sch alr.. cuz my dad fetch my niece n nephew to sch 1st.. den me.. yea!
lessons as normal.. den went home to change home clothes.. black shirt too hot alr.. will die from heat! haha!!
studied in SPI.. but slacked 2hrs later.. went for mass.. den out for dinner with dillion n joseph..
had a nice chat.. dinner at LJS.. den come home! =)
the end!
10:14 PM
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
what a relief~!
last night i asked nabil when is my week of presentation for pt education.. 1st he said was wk 16 (nxt wk) den last night he smsed this fri present.. i was damn shocked la!i tot i this time die alr.. proj haven even really start doing... stayed up for awhile to do.. did till 2am plus again.. damn tired lo! and i had to report at 9am this morning for a grp proj meeting.. make me stress.. went sch around 8.30am to find books in library for my individual use.. tired~!
had CPR lessons today again.. i had a trial test today.. learnt how to print the paper out to see.. not bad! was quite ok.. my teacher say not bad.. just that i pump too much.. den the 2 breaths too long.. i was like.. tot must wait for chest to deflate 1st? she say aiya! dummy mah.. human diff.. haha..
she said she will fail me thou! haha.. but the instructor will pass me.. i was like quite happy.. at least she say my ventilation was gd.. enough air.. compression deep enough.. =D
found out one of my lect mates also fracture her leg! her fracture was worse.. open fracture! tibia was badly broken.. ankle bones gone... eeyer.. she say the blood was everywhere and the bone damn white! WAHAHA! lame.. bone not white den pink? haha!
suddenly i felt so lucky.. even thou my injury can be prevented.. if.. so many ifs.. tsk!
jason was asking me why i always laugh laugh smile smile.. i suddenly tot of the golden path show.. laugh also one day.. cry also one day.. why not we choose to laugh instead of cry..
say is say la.. but sometimes when is time to feel sad n cry den no choice.. jason! i not only laugh all the time... i had sad moments too u noe! =D
tmr! 9am start sch again!!!!!! got lect! haiz.. super not used to sch clock.. now must always wake up so early.. den at night still cant sleep.. lie on my bed dunno waiting for wad.. haha! cows to come home? example.. 1.45am i lie on my bed.. 2.20am still lying on my bed! haha!!
die! hopefully my eye cream will help fight with my eye bags n dark rings. heh!
must study alr! must must!
7:11 PM
Monday, January 21, 2008
1st Day of sch
its been 5 weeks.. no sch.. no stress.. but loads of pain, unhappiness, uncomfortable feelings and lessons learnt..its a hard way to learnt thou.. even thou its hard i experienced alot.. how patients feel when they go thru I/V inserted, operation and being pushed around by commode n wheelchair..
learnt tt my family was really there for me.. ZJ was actually the second family i have been neglecting and the close frens tt accompanied me thru this process.. thru this i can see who actually cared for me.. felt loved!
i pray my ah gong will be forever in gd health.. at least God bless him that he dun need to go thru much pain.. results will be out this week.. i hope everything will be ok.. i cant bear anything to happen to him.. he such a nice person..
oh wells..
today was my 1st day of sch.. 1 hr lesson only! was andy's tut and it was presentation! sian! see nabil they all present den end of lesson! lucky got BCLS training.. so when to prac CPR.. blow n pump.. look listen n feel.. hellohello! see my frens do so many times.. i did a few... but gave up alr.. damn sian.. stone all the way..
NABIL! ya ass damn perky! haha! shant put up the pic we took thou! hahah!!
after lessons went home by cab.. took my books and met joseph n charmaine for "study" session.. they studied la.. i manage to read some lecture notes.. slowly but fast.. (irony) i need to get up my studying pace.. exams are soon! after CNY!
ok.. back to wad happened.. went for mass den evening prayer.. neva do all these in ages! joseph was scared of Fr Luke! hahaha! suan suan suan!
den went to play pool w elena ryan joseph n joel! mich p played a few games den left alr..
super hungry today lo! neva eat!! whole day drink one bottle of green tea and >10 sweets.. tahan until dinner which was 10pm like tt! haha! siao! my tummy today like very weird.. neva "complain" much! hahahaha!!!
tmr! 9 am got meeting alr!! den end sch at 6pm! sian!
11:03 PM
Sunday, January 20, 2008
another great weekend~!
we had that outing on fri den sat was zj.. i said i had stiff neck yea? i decided to get some cheapo pillow to sleep on for 2 hrs b4 ZJ.. amazing man.. my neck was better... my neck damn cheapo!sat zj was nice.. chatted alot! was the getting to know session.. Emmaus Walk session.. den talked n shared somethings over an over again.. cuz we sat in circles... den the inner circles move outer circle stays den we chat we each other for 4 mins or so.. was interesting..
as usual.. beg everyone to go out.. haha.. got elena, mich, dillion, ryan, john, joseph and ah pun for dinner.. went ah seah.. after that went bowling.. i didnt play thou.. my leg... hahaha! waited for quite sometime for our turn.. den went to eat prata b4 we had our lanes to play.. by that time mich, dillion and ah pun left alr..
took a cab home.. so tired but i cant sleep! damn! my dogs are barking i cant sleep due to no reason @_@.. woke up at 7 am just to give ryan wake up call.. met char ryan n joseph for mass.. but apparently the core came too..
had breakfast den help out in the blood donation drive booth.. on the way home got caught in the RAIN! thank god i was half way home so not tt drench!
damn tired now.. but i am trying not to sleep! or not at night cant sleep! haha!
TMR START SCHOOL ALR.. damn happy but damn sian.. movement partially impaired! haha!!! oh wells..
1:23 PM
Saturday, January 19, 2008
STIFF NECK with stiff ankle @_@
ahhh.. i slept side ways for too long last night!!! den now i got stiff neck.. damn pain.. haiz...rotate or turn head also pain.. haha.. sian...
pillow think too high alr.. cuz i filp the other side of the pillow w/o the curve den was higher... den was very bad.. haiz!
alrite! ZJ later! cool huh!
cheers!
11:49 AM
nice gathering~!
now i treasures all the outing i have now.. one week only step out of the house the most 2 to 3 times a week!so for now.. all outings are good!
today jason asked everyone out! for dinner.. jason, joel n me went out first to bishan to eat sushi! had fun talking.. miss the times talking rubbish.. random chats..
on the way up saw my sis n my bro in law.. so funny! they like got shocked! why my bai ka sister doing outside.. haha! so funny...
went grapevine next.. dillion n mich phipps came.. talked all sorts of topic.. from likes.. to phipps stuff... to personal problems.. jokes... talking abt.. somehow all ZJ girls all very on n garang.. but somehow we got the girl side! haha!!!!
after that walked home.. saw raymond n the rest! so so paiseh!! tts why i hate gg hup seng.. u see ppl randomly.. somemore in my horrible state!
tmr! SAT!! here i go! heavy rain also i heck arh! haha!! here i go people!! =)
12:18 AM
Thursday, January 17, 2008
wad a day~!
today woke up the wrong side of bed.. was furious mad when my dad made me walk from home to hupseng to eat breakfast at 8am.. cuz i have to go for physio at 9.30am..
leg not walking well alr still make me walk so much.. den walk also pain cuz got small slopes when i was walking there..
haiz!
went to hospital.. waited for quite sometime.. had physiotherapist assess.. teach some exercises to do.. den over heard say to satisfy me put me one a sationary bicycle to cycle! cuz if i were to come and let her assess and not do anything den she think i will be mad..
was a lil irritated.. cant tt that furious w her cuz i might jus interpret it wrongly.. btw! the ang moh physiotherapist was there too! haha! not bad! SIAN! not my physio.. or not i damn gd girl wan ok! haha..
after tt went hougang mall to get my facial stuff.. finally got the cleanser and toner n moisturizer from body shop.. got a temp body shop member.. =D also bought eye cream! for my darl eye rings! haha!! my mommy pay! gd huh!
ok.. tts abt it.. so bored! sat faster come! can go out again.. think tmr night can go slack w frens alr! haha!! =)
10:57 PM
Sunday, January 13, 2008
SO FUN~!
had sooo much fun today!!ZJ open hse! got 6 new ppl came for the open hse.. and angel n matthew came! great!
its a very nice sat even was raining very heavily!
had PnW.. sharing.. testimony.. so many! wow!
i actually manage to talk with 2 new people and we had quite a gd conversation! went vivo city after session! ate at spizza.. den i suggest to them we go chomp chomp!
haha! this is the fun part lo! we really did broke out our comfort zone! it ISN'T a clique outing or a guys/ girls outing.. but just an outing randomly.. mario, dillon, mich p, ryan, daryl, jason, aaron, aloy, jerome, joseph, elena and me! random rite! haha!
BUT we had loads of fun! esp the car ride.. joked and talked.. i suggested vivo they went.. say wan go eat at chomp? they damn ON! haha! ate sooo much.. pizza.. sting ray.. hokkien mee.. tang yuan with bean curd.. FRIED oyster! sugar cane!
LOVELY! i simply love today.. even i got all angry with myself cuz the crutches made me all tired and sian! haha! but everyone was very understanding! yep!
i love today!
1:45 AM
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
farts~!
wahaha!! damn funny! must watch! FARTS! wahaha!!
theres many more but i think this 2 v funny! stupid pig..
5:46 PM
hospital pics~!
hospitalisation pics! nice! the dog is cute! we had loads of fun tt night.. mel n jason was hilarious! =D cute! juls wanna bite my toe! joker!
that much food was at the bed side tt night! haha! i had loads of food getting fat!
12:29 AM
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
wooohoooo~!
lala!just came back from Dr Mathew Cheng check up! yea!
say i shld be able to start walking soon!! how soon u all might ask.. is 6 WEEKS time.. haha! sad!
going for my physiotheraphy.. dates are set! hah! i will do it! and my mommy say i must love myself leh.. ah! say sleep early all.. haha! siao!
i must prac my ankle.. its kinda stiff! no have to bend it using slight force! push! everyday must do it.. or not cant walk! haha!
no more bandages need to be pasted on my wound alr! hmm, can bathe normally.. no need wrap plastic bag on it anymore!
so stress to let them noe i am a student nurse! expect me to noe stuff! which i SHLD NOE! haha!
when will i stop being so playful and start getting serious about my life! oh man!
anyways, my that Dr was not bad.. friendly and all.. but some how i feel the pressure! heh!
soon! i can walk! so soon! *sobs* so happy! haha!
ok! end of it! so excited! =p
7:42 PM
Monday, January 07, 2008
pics of my leg!
the swell before i even went to AnE =)
wound bandage after the first wound dressing! 2nd post operation day!
compare of both legs!
the brusies! eeyer! ugly!
wound! my operation wound! =S both sides of my leg~!
finally got the USB port to upload the photos i got in my camera! haha!find it interesting to show u all my leg now! haha! =p
abit sad la.. now my calf muscles are one big one small! haiz!
most recent pics of my leg! =D
eh! i didnt noe! my front of tt leg also got blue black! haha! ok! yah! the end of pics of my interesting metal leg! haha!
all screwed n wired! haha! damn! i am tt bored! TSK!
3:15 PM
Thursday, January 03, 2008
my count down night!
ok! blogging time.. lazy to blog the past few days!i felt alive! tt night when i went for the count down.. suppose to meet them around 9 plus at retreat house.. but i got so excited i got ready by around 7.45pm.. hah!
i hop n move around with crutches.. had PnW b4 mass... so happy!!! damn long no PnW.. felt recharged!
from retreat hse to church was damn tiring for me! now i noe crutches suck! haha! so tiring.. i tot my heart gonna stop..
had the mass.. back to retreat hse for the party.. had so much fun there.. many other youth groups step out from their comfort zone and came for our mini party! we had fun.. ice breakers.. intro-ing each other..
we played till like 6am! took a grp photo! den go home!
one of it they ask wad is one thing that happened in 2007 that is memorable.. or interesting.. i said its my 1st time going for an operation in Dec.. haha.. but as it move round the grp.. i rmb much more things tt happen in 2007.. somehow or rather its an interesting year..
i was able to experience of helping to clean of 2 patients that passed away.. i went night trekking with wilfred n the rest.. 1st time leading outreach team in ZJ (didnt do that well thou).. had my bdae celebration at changi airport with my wonderful frens.. went to club and it was gay night.. visited eplanade so many times.. had peformance for cheer at raffles place area.. new juniors to add to the joy of it.. my 1st admission to hospital.. bla bla bla... alot.. haha! oh wells..
felt so loved n heng i still got them! everyone kept on saying community n all.. somehow.. this injury, my broken leg.. that word community sank down into my heart..
one day i hope the knowledge of God will sink down to my heart.. now.. its still in my head! haha.. some of u might understand wad i am saying..
even ZJ was always there.. not very close but yet not very far away from me.. we dun really share all our problems tgt.. but, theres always an amazing link n bond between us.. maybe its only me who think that way now.. cuz i am in the situation..
fracturing this leg might be a small case to certain people.. but to me its my first time experiencing it.. its something very hard for me to get use to.. not being able to move around as freely as it is.. it might be temp for 2 months.. but tt was enuff for me..
oh wells.. all in all i just felt heng n thankful i have ZJ n my other close frens to keep in going on.. loves!
imaginary hugs to my ZJ n beloved close frens! haha!
1:26 PM