Thursday, May 11, 2006
whEE!! back again.. my orange blog.. hmmm.. my day.. today arh.. woke up in a daze.. total blur in wad i just did... haha.. the fact was i just woke up!! it sounds like i was drunk the night b4 like that.. haha.. ok la.. maybe cried too much.. thats why..aniwaes. i got up.. went to get ready for school.. reach sch had sub group meeting.. ate breakfast.. and was late for my 1st lecture!! haha.. again another break! OHOH!! today is and was(tmr) WEI JIE'S birthday!! den norin, melissa (not u NETTO) and me decided to get a small cake for him.. den bought him a soft toy.. its a pig.. cuz he is one!! den nabil was sayin.. wheres my bdae present?? my bdae onli sing song no present.. den.. his got song and present... sooo.. we decided to get him something too.. ahaha. i chose a turtle!! haha... look so much like him.. haha.. the turtle was so cute.. wait!! but not nabil of cuz! haha.. jokin.. aniwaes.. it was so cute i cant bare to give it to him.. heh.. when we gave weijie the present he got shock.. that he blush and teared a lil.. funny right.. but it was sweet of him thou.. haha.. react like that.. yea.. after school.. went church for mass! den wilfred hse to have a dinner gathering with ZJ ppl b4 the slient retreat.. ate pizza, drink green tea.. talk to my nurse fren aka teacher, abt sch stuff.. she teach me alot man.. how to do pnw and nursing stuff. THANKS!! u r a great help.. here i am back home!!
oh.. i cried cuz i was reading some comic book!! so damn touching la.. i cried like mad.. including the feelin i had for years..i cry all out.. haha.. yea.. thats why.. i cry until my head starts to spin! wow! amazing huh..
i just realise.. that no matter how much i reflect about my life.. no matter how much i try to let time heal my wounds and memories... it wont bloody hell fade.. i will cry over the same old stuff again.. start blaming the same old things abt me again.. start to hate myself for the same old problems again.. haha.. its kinda not gonna let me go thing.. i cant forgive myself.. i cant.. i just cant.. i just keep on thinkin abt it.. den soon i will forget abt it.. den a few months later or something it will come back again.. freak man!! hate that.. its so toturing...
it seems tat ppl keep sayin that they are there for me.. but can they always be there for me when in times when i will need help?? it true wad.. my frens dun have their own problems to solve mehz? u all dun have things to do?? will u even understand wad am i really thinking and feeelin.. ya. i noe at least tell my sorrows out and stuff.. but will it help?? no.. it will still be stuck in me.. not out?! can u solve things for u.. i noe u all will be at my side.. caring for me.. buti cant see u all.. i cant.. i am blinded by dunno wad lar.. u might noe u are there.. but wad if i dun see it that way.. wad if i still cant find to way?? i noe its not ya fault.. u tried to help.. but wad if i accidentally hurt u, when u are in the process of helpin me.. it will be worse right?? i dun wan.. i dunno la.. i dunnno wad am i thinkin like that.. why am i reacting like that all of a sudden?? haha.. weird huh??
aniwaes, humans are ironic.. i am ironic.. super!! haha.. alison is weird.. will anyone really understand me tat well?? inside out?? i meant beside GOD.. cuz i cant see him.. not in my world or my spiritual world. ya..
okok.. end here.. stop to all my blabbers.. to all the dudes and babes out there.. have a fun and great long weekend!! study hard for ya exams.. o level la.. a level la.. wadeva level.. just study hard and dun regret in anything u do.. cuz god wans it to be that way! heh!!
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