Friday, August 01, 2008
sandwich-ed
kinda relieve that they knew about certain things and yet say its modern and was ok la.. kinda thing.. slowly la.. but certain ppl knew some other stuff and cant accept it.. dont approve of it.. this making me very sandwich-ed.. my fault its a duh! reaction...
i want both.. i want the best of both worlds.. i want the both worlds to become one.. even thou it seems like everything is ok now.. but i know deep down we are not really ok..
i still have good frens.. but i kinda think i lost my closes friends in my life that i've found... it will neva be the same.. i was dependent and vice versa.. but maybe not so.. maybe.. i dun wan to think about the maybes..
can it be the same? i felt the awkwardness just that i dun really show it? or we dun show it. i felt the dull pain at the back of my head and chest.. telling me.. ''hey! you think u can forget about wad happen.. you wont..''
how ironic... life on the surface.. on the everyday life, it seems damn fucking gd.. going thru day by day laughing and going thru lessons.. yet how suffocating when my internal things starts to float up once in a while and den i choose to push it back down to stay sinked at the bottom...
my family is doing great.. ethan is going to get baptise on sunday.. today is my mom's bdae.. just an update i wanna update myself too.. to keep myself in check.. sometimes i lost my way of life...
went swimming on wed and today! SHAG! tired! muscle aching.. but SHIOK!
neva swim so much in my life... trying so hard not to eat so much after swim.. i managed to not eat that much.. jus a packet of milo at least.. and a proper meal.. lunch or dinner..
tanning tmr.. study tmr? hopefully..
exams coming! focus!!!
8 more days till you are back from brunei.. cant wait..
11:32 PM