Wednesday, November 04, 2009
i am learning thru my bumpy rd..
growing up aint easy... no one says its easy...along the road of learning and falling we tend to get dependent on a person for support to pull thru such bumpy roads...
not cuz we choose to but for me its inevitable to be dependent at times..
knowing i dislike being weak.. i always hold my pride up high... refusing to cry in front of ppl or to show my true feelings.. i put on a mask... before i get hurt i put on a barrier before i crumble...
and whenever u pull down that mask without me knowing it, i got a shock.. cuz you touch something really sensitive that i tot ppl wont see...
we tend to get stubborn in ways cuz we dont see a eye to eye to things...
so we have to see it for our own to understand and believe to even give in or listen...
i can say i am emotional and crazy...
getting affected for the smallest things in life...
even the smallest mistake i made...
ppl say it takes time to heal and forgive oneself.. but i cant...
i tried... it can be a temporary forget instead of forgive...
and just one day, it will come flooding back that i couldnt breathe...
didnt know who to tell or how to say. afraid no one understands and find me a nuisance..
____________________________________________
time
expectations
promises
action
support
love
it all link dont you think?
in time we tend to expect things to happen which leads to having promises to be kept and when we made such promises we need actions to keep them or even fulfil them...
when we expect such action or promise, here comes a certain amount of love and support needed, to make them come thru/happen... or to even to start having expectations.
and to make it come thru we need to have support which is to undergo or endure, esp. with patience or submission; tolerate. most importantly to sustain a person's mind, spirit, give courage, etc. to have expectation of a love one...
i know tonight i took a wrong route... i had wrong expectation...
i cant promise it wont happen... cuz promise needs actions to prove.
but i hope i can make a point for myself to prove it...
alison dont worry... everything will be alright in time to come... cuz its all about learning and growing up... all abt getting used to it.. all abt getting the hang of it...
i always say
i dont want to be a burden and nuisance... and here am i asking for support...
how contradicting...
but i hope i will learn...
thru all the scars and wounds i will learn... with the trust and love... i will... cuz it doesnt matter how you fail.. but its how are you gg to finish... how you gonna finish strong... (:(: and u will find strength to get back up...
2:34 AM